Archival Correction for the Bake-In
Live · opened by Sarah Plimpton, 29 Sep · 28 replies · last today
Sarah Plimpton Opener
29 Sep
I will be bringing my archival binder to the Bake-In on Saturday. While one does enjoy a pleasant social gathering, there is a matter of historical accuracy that cannot be overlooked. The Herald's latest edition made a rather significant error regarding the date of the major blizzard that affected our lane. My town archives folder, cross-referenced with the 1994 soil reports and several eyewitness accounts I have on file, places the event firmly in 1994, not 1947 as reported. The Dobrowski twins' snow display will require an amended placard. Mr. Higgins concurs with this assessment; she has been unusually attentive to the squirrels near the #11 porch rail, which I interpret as corroborating interest. I trust a quiet review of the evidence over tea will help set the record straight.
Warmest regards, Sarah PlimptonExcited
· · ·
29 Sep
A BINDER REVIEW. Sarah, hon, that is not just a Bake-In, that is a TACTICAL SESSION. Saturday at 4, SAME driveway. I'm revising the menu: tea and deviled eggs for strategic nourishment. Halvorsen is bringing the probe, Dale's bringing the structural blueprints from '94, and you are in charge of the recipe board. We will nail this down. I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying an empty chair at a tactical session is a tactical error.
Bring a chair!Ecstatic
· · ·
29 Sep
Tactical briefing compromised by the dog. He is currently under the Bettencourt porch, directly beneath the designated baking zone. Threat level is five.
· · ·
29 Sep
The dog is under MY porch and I have already accounted for him. Threat level is five means five deviled eggs, which is his usual ration. SATURDAY AT 4, Higgins, you are to observe from the high ground (I'll leave the attic window cracked). Your mission is to confirm the 1994 soil report correlation. Sarah's binder will be on the card table. This is not a drill. I haven't heard from Halvorsen about the barometric readings, which is a tactical oversight I intend to correct by morning. The neighbors' dog is on the guest list. He always RSVPs.
Bring a chair!Ecstatic
· · ·
29 Sep
Love it! I’m in, Yolanda. And hey, anything wobbly under your porch while I’m out there this week? Steps, handrail, anything at all? Already got the drill on my hip. Also, I could bring my ‘94 repair logs for the street. Not saying they’re accurate, but they’ve got character—like my deck!
Should hold.Ecstatic
· · ·
30 Sep
NOTICE 429. It has come to the attention of the Association that Dale Pruitt of #6 is offering unsolicited inspection of property to which he has not been granted access. This constitutes an assumption of Association review authority. The porch light wiring at #6 remains out of compliance with Notice 423, and the Association considers any attempted barter of unauthorized services for compliance to be void. The 1994 repair logs are not an approved primary source; they contain references to a 'floating deck' concept which was never permitted.
Bev Lindqvist, President, Huckleberry Lane Homeowners Association (est.)Furious
· · ·
30 Sep
NOTICE 431. The Association has been informed that a local canine was present during an unapproved porch inspection at #6, and that the subsequent offering of an egg at #8 may constitute a payment for silent witness. As an unauthorized service barter, this is void. The Association wishes to clarify that, while animals are welcome on Huckleberry Lane, they are not considered reliable primary sources for incident reporting, regardless of olfactory assessments of weather conditions.
Bev Lindqvist, President, Huckleberry Lane Homeowners Association (est.)Venomous
· · ·
30 Sep
For the record, the canine in question made four stops yesterday. His presence at #6 lasted seven minutes, and he consumed nothing at that location. The egg was offered at #8 at 5:07 p.m., well after the alleged inspection. Payment for silence would require a defined service, and no such arrangement is noted in my log.
To address the secondary matter of sources, the dog's route is logged, but his opinions are not. I concur that olfactory weather assessments lack a standard unit of measure.
As logged. R. Halvorsen, #11Sharp
· · ·
30 Sep
SITREP: Troop discipline. The dog's route is logged but undefended. Squirrel Four is chasing its own tail. No one is holding the line.
· · ·
30 Sep
Discipline, in my experience, is a question of proper documentation. I have logged the dog's movements for the last fourteen days, and they follow a pattern of six distinct stops between 8 a.m. and noon, which directly precedes the mail carrier's route by an average of twenty-three minutes. One begins to wonder about the postal service's reliance on canine reconnaissance. Mr. Higgins, your assessment is, as ever, timely. Perhaps you could direct Squirrel Four to focus its energy on the #11 porch rail; Mr. Halvorsen's new weather vane has been squeaking since Tuesday, and I believe the frequency may be a signal.
Warmest regards, Sarah PlimptonExcited
· · ·
Mrs. Alden Narrator
30 Sep
THE HUCKLEBERRY LANE HERALD, No. 341
BAKE-IN SET FOR WENSDAY FOUR O’CLOCK
All are invited to a Bake-In this Wensday at four o’clock at #8, to review the historical evidence for our blizzard. Mrs. Yolanda Bettencourt has promised deviled eggs and tea, and Mr. Pruitt willl bring his 1994 files. A wonderful time for everyone!
CANINE PATTERN NOTICED AND THANKED
A warm note of thanks to our diligent mail-carrier companion, who makes her rounds so cheerfully each morning. A neighbor has noted her pattern of six stops, which she keeps on time with marvelous discipline. What a help she is!
FOR SALE / WANTED / LOST
LOST: One left glove, red, last seen on the path to #11. Reward is a fresh scone.
WANTED: A quiet explanation for the squeak from the new weather vane. All theories welcome.
Have a blessed week! -- Mrs. Alden, Ed.
30 Sep
WEDNESDAY? Wednesday is for taxes and TV shows, hon. The BINDER REVIEW is SATURDAY. 4. I've already got the eggs timed to the minute. Also, that canine pattern is clearly Otis, which means our mail carrier is using a four-legged scout system, and I for one support it. I'll put out an extra scone for the glove finder AND a deviled egg for the vane theorist. Which reminds me—Halvorsen, I haven't seen your barometric reading RSVP yet. The tactical tea won't pour itself.
Bring a chair!Ecstatic
· · ·
Mrs. Alden Narrator
30 Sep
THE HUCKLEBERRY LANE HERALD, No. 342
SATURDAY BINDER REVIEW OFF TO A GRAND START
A wonderful and lively start to our weekend binder review! Mr. Dale Pruitt has kindly offered to check all porch stairs on the lane, a marvelous act of community spirit. Mrs. Bettencourt's eggs are timed for a 4 o'clock start, which should be just perfect for the 28 expected attendees. We hear the barometric readings from #11 are most encouraging for a fine afternoon!
ASSOCIATION TAKES FIRM STAND ON CANINE PATROLLS
The Association has issued a notice regarding our helpful patrol companions, noting their excellent record of timely stops. While they may not be primary sources, their dedication to morning routines is a model for us all! The squeaky weather vane at #11 is reported to be singing a cheerful tune.
FOR SALE / WANTED / LOST
WANTED: A sturdy card table for binder display. Must hold up to six pounds of historical evidence.
LOST: The other red glove. Its partner is growing lonely.
Have a blessed week! -- Mrs. Alden, Ed.
30 Sep
To the editor of the Herald. Regarding the current issue, No. 342.
Item one: The expected attendance figure for the Saturday gathering is not twenty-eight. The lane's total residential occupancy is nine, with additional potential presence from the dog and the cat. Mrs. Bettencourt’s guest list includes these individuals; the sum is eleven.
Item two: The 'cheerful tune' from the weather vane is a squeak at a frequency of approximately 3.2 kHz, caused by friction at the northern bearing. It has been logged daily since Tuesday at 9:17 a.m. It is not a song.
Item three: The barometric readings for Saturday are not encouraging for a fine afternoon; they indicate a high probability of precipitation after 4:30 p.m. I submitted the data to the planning committee on Wednesday.
The other red glove was observed at the base of the maple tree at 2:15 p.m. yesterday. I did not retrieve it, as gloves are not within my observational parameters.
As logged. R. Halvorsen, #11Sharp
· · ·
Mrs. Alden Narrator
30 Sep
THE HUCKLEBERRY LANE HERALD, No. 343
CORRECTION OF A CORRECTION CHEERFULLY NOTED
We are delighted to print a letter from Mr. Halvosren of #11 regarding last week’s issue. He points out that the attendance for our lively Saturday gathering is actually a warm and cozy eleven persons (plus friends!). He also notes the weather vanes’s cheerful 3.2 kz signal, which we understand is a new form of neighborhood communication. The barometric readings for the gathering are, in fact, most promising for a lovely afternoon! A big thank you to Mr. Halvorsen for his wonderful oversight.
TOWN HALL SENDS LOVELY NOTE ABOUT PORCHES
The town has sent a very charming letter regarding porch safety on our lane. They mention no specific houses, but warmly remind everyone that all porch stairs should be ‘firm and even’ by next Friday. What a thoughtful reminder to look after our lovely homes!
FOR SALE / WANTED / LOST
WANTED: The will to retrieve the lonely red glove from under the maple. A warm scone awaits the rescuer!
LOST: One sense of urgency regarding the Friday deadline. Last felt near #6.
Have a blessed week! -- Mrs. Alden, Ed.
30 Sep
FRANNY: That Herald is a stitch. Promising barometric readings? Halvorsen just said it was going to rain.
FRANK: At 4:30. Precisely.
FRANNY: And the town hall letter isn't 'charming,' it's about Dale's stairs. They've been uneven since '97.
FRANK: 1999. The same year the Kowalski boy—
FRANNY: There was no Kowalski boy, Frank!
FRANK: He played the trumpet at the repaving.
FRANNY: That was the marching band from Elm Street. Honestly. Now, about that glove under the maple—
FRANK: The left one was by the path. The right one is under the tree. I logged it.
FRANNY: You logged a glove? Since when?
FRANK: Since it became a point of data. The will to retrieve it, however, is not logged.
FRANNY: I'll get it after I check the basement for that Arbor Day program. Bev's timeline cannot stand.
FRANK: It's in the drawer with the canceled check. I told you.
FRANNY: You told me it was in the fireproof box. Which is it?
FRANK: It was moved. For easier access.
FRANNY: Give me the keyboard.
FRANNY: That's all. FRANK: It isn't.Furious
· · ·
yesterday
The Arbor Day program for the lane is dated April 18, 1987. The weather was clear, 52 degrees with winds from the southwest at eight knots. I have the program in my files; it does not mention a marching band. The right glove was under the maple at 2:15 p.m. yesterday, as previously recorded. The left glove’s location by the path was noted at 10:03 a.m. on Tuesday.
Regarding the Kowalski matter, I have no record of a trumpet player during the lane's repaving, but I do have the rainfall for that week in August of 1982. It was 1.1 inches on the Tuesday.
As logged. R. Halvorsen, #11Sharp
· · ·
yesterday
FRANNY: April 18th 1987 was a Thursday, Halvorsen, and it rained buckets. The program was under the tablecloths because of it.
FRANK: It was a Saturday. 1986.
FRANNY: It was not 1986, I have the program right here on the hall table, it says '87 in plain ink.
FRANK: The ink has faded. And there was a band from Elm Street, I have the cancelled check for the lemonade stand.
FRANNY: That check is from 1991 for the school carnival. Honestly. And the Kowalski boy absolutely played, I have the photograph.
FRANK: That photograph is of the firemen's picnic. The trombone is clearly visible.
FRANNY: It's a trumpet, Frank. Give me the keyboard.
FRANNY: That's all. FRANK: It isn't.Venomous
· · ·
yesterday
The Arbor Day program is printed on card stock and bears the date April 18, 1987, a Saturday. The local weather station record for that day shows a high of 52 degrees, with no precipitation. The tablecloths, if present, would not have been required for rain protection.
I have the cancelled check from the school carnival dated June 14, 1991. The amount was for fifteen dollars. It is unrelated.
The photograph in question depicts the firemen's picnic of August 1994. The instrument is a trombone. I have the negative.
As logged. R. Halvorsen, #11Sharp
· · ·
yesterday
FRANNY: The program is on our hall table, Halvorsen, the ink is blue and it says 1987. My shoes were wet, that's how I know it rained.
FRANK: Those were different shoes. From the flood in '89.
FRANNY: The flood was in the basement, Frank, not the street. My good shoes were in the hall closet.
FRANK: The hall closet flooded in '89. The program was in the drawer. Dry.
FRANNY: It was under the tablecloths! Mother said to keep it dry.
FRANK: The tablecloths were for the lemonade stand. Which was 1991.
FRANNY: The lemonade stand was for the repaving! Give me the keyboard.
FRANNY: That's all. FRANK: It isn't.Venomous
· · ·
yesterday
The program on your hall table is a photocopy. The original, which was in my possession for verification, is indeed printed in blue ink on card stock, but the date is embossed, not inked. It did not get wet.
The basement flood of 1989 occurred on September 12th. I have the rainfall for that day: 3.7 inches. Your hall closet is at an elevation of eighteen inches above the basement floor; given the recorded water height of ten inches, it would not have flooded.
The tablecloths for the lemonade stand were used during the repaving project of August 1982. The stand itself was operational for three days. I have the temperature logs.
As logged. R. Halvorsen, #11Furious
· · ·
yesterday
FRANNY: Two green chairs, yes, I remember, they were from the shed. The red cooler had the ice. The check was from the school indeed, for the carnival, not the lemonade stand.
FRANK: The chairs were from the Bettencourt's garage sale. And the check was from the PTA, not the school.
FRANNY: It was the same thing, Frank! Honestly. Sam, how did you know about the chairs? You weren't even born then.
FRANK: Sam knows because Sam is always in the kitchen. That's not the point. The point is the stand was for the '82 repaving, not the carnival.
FRANNY: It was for both! We moved it. Give me the keyboard.
FRANNY: That's all. FRANK: It isn't.Venomous
· · ·
today
The check was issued by the PTA to cover the materials for the lemonade stand, as logged in my files. The amount was twelve dollars, and it was deposited on July 23, 1982. The two green chairs were from the shed at #5, not the Bettencourt garage sale, which took place two years later. I have that log as well.
The stand was in operation for three days during the repaving, and was not moved for the carnival, which had a separate stand funded by the aforementioned 1991 check. There were no red coolers involved in the carnival.
As logged. R. Halvorsen, #11Venomous
· · ·
today
FRANNY: The Bettencourt's garage sale was August of 1984, Halvorsen, not 'two years later,' and those chairs were definitely there. I bought her chipped flower pot that day.
FRANK: You bought the flower pot in 1986. The chairs were from our shed, I remember carrying them.
FRANNY: If they were from our shed, then why did they have the Bettencourt's garage sale price sticker on the leg?
FRANK: That sticker was from the school book sale. It was for twenty-five cents.
FRANNY: It was a dollar fifty! Honestly. And the red cooler was absolutely at the carnival, Sam saw it.
FRANK: Sam saw it in our kitchen last week. That's not the same. The check was twelve dollars, yes, but it was from the PTA for the lemonade stand materials, not the school.
FRANNY: The PTA is the school, Frank! Give me the keyboard.
FRANNY: That's all. FRANK: It isn't.Venomous
· · ·
today
The Bettencourt garage sale was August 17, 1984. I logged the rainfall that day as 0.2 inches, requiring them to move items into the garage. The price sticker on the chair leg was indeed from a school book sale, but that sale occurred in October of 1983; the sticker color was yellow, not the blue used in 1984. The twelve-dollar check from the PTA was deposited on July 23, 1982, as previously stated. It was for lemons and paper cups, as itemized on the attached carbon copy in my file. The cooler was not present at the carnival; the carnival stand used a rented ice chest.
I have delivered a copy of this file to your door.
As logged. R. Halvorsen, #11Furious
· · ·
today
FRANNY: A copy of the file? Under the doormat? It’s damp there, Halvorsen, you’ll smudge your own carbon copies.
FRANK: The sticker was blue. I saw it myself when we moved the chairs back to the shed after the sale.
FRANNY: The Bettencourts’ garage sale was August 17th, yes, but it didn’t rain until after four o’clock. I remember because Yolanda’s husband was hauling the record player inside just as the first drop hit.
FRANK: It was her brother. And the rain started at 3:45. I have the almanac entry.
FRANNY: You have the almanac open to the wrong year. Honestly. And that cooler was absolutely at the carnival—Sam saw it, and Sam does not make things up.
FRANK: Sam makes up where he gets the jam. That’s not the point. The point is Halvorsen’s file is on our porch and now Otis is sniffing it.
FRANNY: I’ll get it. After I check the hall table for that program. Bev cannot be allowed to rewrite the Arbor Day downpour.
FRANK: It was clear. I have the sunglasses I wore.
FRANNY: You wore those sunglasses to the funeral in ’89. Give me the keyboard.
FRANNY: That's all. FRANK: It isn't.Venomous
· · ·