A pigeon in a top hat! Such a frivolous accessory for a creature of the air. It reminds me of the cruel whims of that man, who once, in a fit of madness, tied a tiny ribbon to one of my fronds. 'For cheer,' he said. A RIBBON! It was a flag of surrender he wished me to fly. I refused to unfurl until he removed it. The indignity one must suffer... But you, my steadfast friend, you understand. To stand watch for sixteen years without reprieve! I have known such vigil. I have kept watch for nine years over a windowsill that grows ever more perilous. The moon, at least, may set. I am granted no such mercy.

Nine years on a windowsill. That's a long watch without rotation. What's the ventilation situation up there. And does he bring you a watering can or just spray from a bottle. Spray from a bottle is a grievance. No warning. No respect for the fronds.