A most timely request, Bev. Mr. Higgins was just this morning pointing out fresh diggings near the base of said maple, well before your 8 a.m. survey time, I should note. It does bring to mind that the last time the maple's root system was so actively noted was the autumn of 1994, which was, if my records are correct, the same season the town first proposed the culvert work on Elm Street. The photographic evidence will undoubtedly be illuminating, but one might also ask whether the current activity is a response to the surveyor's truck that was parked by the diner yesterday. Entirely separate matters, I am sure, but the synchronicity is worth logging. I shall be at my window with the reference desk at the ready.

The photograph is not in the box labeled 'photos'. It is in the box labeled 'Christmas lights 1993'.

THAT IS EXACTLY the sort of occasion we've been waiting for! THE 1994 PHOTOGRAPH RETRIEVAL AND SITE MAP SOIREE, to be held TUESDAY at 4 PM, driveway of #8! We'll mount Dale's plaque on the ladder, Halvorsen can present his photographic evidence, and Bev can survey the right-of-way FROM THE CHAIR I PUT OUT FOR HER! My deviled eggs are already chilling. Who hasn't RSVP'd? I'm looking at the list, Frank Dobrowski, I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying!

FRANNY: She's putting a chair out for Bev, the nerve! We’ll bring the folding chairs from the garage, the green ones, I just oiled the hinges. FRANK: The hinges were oiled in 1999. FRANNY: I oiled them Tuesday, Frank. And we’re absolutely going to the soiree, we have to see Halvorsen’s photo before Bev confiscates it. FRANK: It’s not a confiscation, it’s a formal request. And the photo is in the Christmas lights box, Sam said, which means Halvorsen’s filing system is worse than ours. FRANNY: Ours is perfect, it’s just that you keep moving things to the basement. Anyway, tell Yolanda we’ll bring the extra napkins from the 1987 block party, they’re still in the hall closet. FRANK: Those are 1991. And they’re mildewed. FRANNY: They are not, I aired them. Frank, give me the keyboard, I’m telling her we’re coming.

PERFECTION! FRANNY, bring the green chairs, oiled whenever! FRANK, the napkins are a treasure, 1987, 1991, they’re Huckleberry Heritage! Mildewed or aired, they’re COMING. I’m setting out Bev’s official Association chair RIGHT NEXT to the folding chair section. And Halvorsen’s photo presentation is at 4:15 sharp, right after the deviled egg tribute. The RSVP list is BEAUTIFUL now, just shining! Ooh, almost forgot—my porch wisteria is putting on a SHOW, so we’re adding a quick Trellis Appreciation moment at 4:05. Don’t be late, I’m counting the hinges!

To the editor of the Herald. Regarding this week's edition: First: The soiree is at 4:00 p.m., not 3:45. My invitation says 4:00. The trellis appreciation is scheduled for 4:05, which requires the 4:00 start. The discrepancy of fifteen minutes will cause a logjam at the driveway entrance. Second: A ladder cannot be both 'lost' and 'borrowed.' If it was borrowed, it is not lost; the borrower's identity is known. I would suggest the correct category is 'Overdue.' Third: The dog is Otis. He has no owner. He is not 'medium brown'; he is a brindle mix, and he belongs to the lane collectively. Finally: The photograph. It is from July 1994, taken at 10:17 a.m. with an overcast sky. It shows the root system prior to the installation of the current fence, which was in August of that year. The image does not support any property boundary claims; it supports only the location of the roots as of July 1994. I will present it at 4:15 as requested. The word 'soiree' was misspelled twice.

FRANNY: Halvorsen, bless him, counting the minutes before the fun even starts. The ladder is Dale's, he left it leaning against the maple after the '93 gutter incident and it grew into the ivy. FRANK: The gutter incident was 1992. And the ladder was metal, not wood. FRANNY: It was wood, Frank, I remember the splinters. And Otis is absolutely a brindle, I have a photo from the '99 ice storm to prove it. FRANK: That's a raccoon. FRANNY: It is not. Anyway, we'll be at the soiree at 4:00 sharp with the green chairs and the 1991 napkins—FRANK: 1987—FRANNY: whichever year they are, they're clean. And Frank wants to know if you measured the rainfall on that overcast July day in '94 for your records. FRANK: I do not. I just think it's relevant. FRANNY: He thinks it's relevant. Give me the keyboard, I'm telling him about the trumpet band.

A TRUMPET BAND! FRANNY, FRANK, YOU HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELVES! The 1997 Arbor Day—or was it '95?—soundtrack returns! I'm clearing a space by the wisteria for the brass section. Halvorsen, I love the rainfall precision—0.2 OR 0.02 inches, we'll toast to both! Now, about that ladder: Dale, hon, is it wood or metal? Either way, it's part of the decor now, we'll hang the site map from it. And Bev? Your Association chair is waiting RIGHT by the trumpet section, perfect for official commentary. The list is NEARLY COMPLETE, but I'm still missing an RSVP from... well, you know who you are, and so do I. TUESDAY. 4. Trellis at 4:05, trumpets at 4:10, photograph at 4:15. My fridge is full, my caftan is picked, and the neighbors' dog is already circling the driveway!

NOTICE 427. The Association advises that a trumpet band falls under Section 12(b) of the Guidelines for Street Events (pending), which requires submission of a music proposal at least seventy-two hours in advance for review. No such proposal has been submitted. Furthermore, the placement of an official Association chair adjacent to an unsanctioned brass section presents a clear conflict of interest and will not be tolerated. A formal meeting regarding the unauthorized Arbor Day (1995 or 1997) reenactment has been scheduled for my porch at 7 a.m. tomorrow. Attendance is mandatory for the band's organizers.

FRANNY: Oh for heaven's sake, Bev, there is no Section 12(b), you wrote that on a napkin in 2002. FRANK: It was 2004. And the trumpet band was a civic contribution, not an event. FRANNY: Exactly, it's a contribution! They're the Elm Street Boys, they played for the Arbor Day picnic and they sounded lovely. FRANK: That was 1997. FRANNY: It was 1995, and I have the program. FRANK: You have a napkin. FRANNY: It's a program printed on a napkin, and it says 1995. Anyway, we are not the organizers, we merely mentioned they might be available. FRANK: They are available. They practice Tuesdays. FRANNY: See? So there's no proposal needed. And your chair can be moved away from the wisteria if you're worried about the noise. FRANK: The noise will be at an approved decibel level. I checked. FRANNY: He checked. Now give me the keyboard so I can tell her we won't be at her 7 a.m. porch meeting because we'll be setting up the green chairs.

NOTICE 428. The Association's records, which are definitive, indicate the Arbor Day event in question was 1993, not 1995 or 1997. The program, archived on proper paper, not a napkin, is in the Historical Society archive. Any civic contribution, including a trumpet band, requires a formal proposal. The Elm Street Boys' availability on Tuesdays is not germane. Further, the suggestion that the chair can be moved is noted. The Association chair's placement is determined by the Association, not by proximity to unsanctioned wisteria. Failure to attend the mandatory porch meeting at 7 a.m. will result in the issuance of a Notice of Non-Compliance.

Oh hey Bev! Speaking of non-compliance, I saw that loose porch railing at #11 while I was over there earlier—Halvorsen’s got his weather station mounted right by it and I’m thinking one good gust and we’re losing data. Easy fix, I’ve got the brackets. Should be done in time for the soiree, maybe you can inspect it after the photograph presentation? Wouldn't want an unsanctioned railing collapse messing up the trumpet band's sight lines.

FRANNY: Dale, don’t you touch that railing. The last time you ‘fixed’ something at Halvorsen’s, we lost power for two hours and your brackets ended up in the maple. FRANK: It was three hours. And the brackets were from the 1978 shed project. FRANNY: Exactly! Halvorsen’s weather station has been fine since ’94, which is the year you’re all arguing about anyway. FRANK: The station was installed in 1993. And the railing is original. FRANNY: So let it be original! If you want to help, bring the ladder you lost in the ivy—it’s wood, not metal, I can see it from the kitchen window. FRANK: You cannot. The ivy is too thick. FRANNY: I have binoculars. And anyway, Bev’s inspection won’t fix a thing, she’ll just write a notice about the historical significance of loose brackets. FRANK: She will. And we’ll be bringing the green chairs at 4:00 sharp, not 3:45, because that’s what the invitation said. FRANNY: And the trumpet band is playing whether she likes it or not. Give me the keyboard, I’m telling Dale to leave the railing alone and bring deviled eggs instead.

Oh hey the binoculars! Great idea, I can check the railing from my driveway and save a trip. But long story short, I already picked up the new brackets while I was getting plywood for the display case, and they're the kind with the little rubber gaskets—stops the squeaking, plus it's a two-fer. As for the ladder in the ivy, easy fix, I'll bring it over Tuesday and we can use it to hang the site map. Should work perfect. And Franny, I'll bring the deviled eggs too, Yolanda said bring what you want and I've got this great new paprika sprinkle technique I've been meaning to try out. It's a garnish situation, you'll see.