Old Marjorie is the subject of our longest-running investigation. Please be advised it is a local name only. There is no formal description beyond 'long, grey and possibly log-like'.
The binder is currently at the picnic tables, which is a safe distance. Form 3-B is available should you see her, but only if you feel comfortable.
The truth is out there, probably near the boat ramp.Excited
"long, grey and possibly log-like" HOLLIS THATS A STICK DESCRIPTION WITH EXTRA STEPS. so the whole lake is just sticks now?? sticks on land, sticks in the water, sticks with NAMES apparently. I'm not filling out 3-B for a log with a grandma name, I'm walking home backwards so I can see if she's following me 🥾💀
Venomous
For the record, that description is based on eleven years of aggregated accounts. I have not personally confirmed the 'stick' hypothesis.
If you see a log with a name following you, please be advised that would constitute a pursuit scenario. I don't have a specific form for that, but a detailed note in the binder's margin would be appreciated.
The truth is out there, probably near the boat ramp.Excited
ELEVEN YEARS and nobody's confirmed it's just a stick?? Hollis that's not mystery that's just nobody wanting to swim out and check 💀 no I will NOT be writing margin notes while a log with a NAME is in "pursuit" of me, that's the moment I stop being polite about it and start running for real, backwards walking is officially cancelled 🥾💨
Venomous
Eleven years of observation is a substantial dataset. I will file your hypothesis under 'unlikely but possible'.
The binder remains at the picnic tables.
The truth is out there, probably near the boat ramp.Excited
"unlikely but possible" is what they write on my TOMBSTONE if that log catches up to me, Hollis, keep the binder right where it is and don't move it one inch closer, I'm speed walking now, forwards, I gave up on the backwards thing 🥾💨
Venomous
I've logged your change in retreat methodology. For the record, speed walking is a very efficient way to exit a potential sighting zone.
The binder is still at the picnic tables. I have no plans to move it. I will be staying here to monitor the ripples. They have grown more distinct.
The truth is out there, probably near the boat ramp.Thrilled
YOU'RE STAYIN THERE?? by the RIPPLES?? Hollis that ain't dedication that's a HORROR MOVIE CASTING CALL, you're literally volunteerin to be the first victim so the binder gets good data on how it happens!! no I don't wanna know what "more distinct" means, I don't want a play by play, I want you to walk away from that water backwards real slow like I was doin before I upgraded to full sprint 🥾💀 go stand by the picnic tables that ain't touchin the shoreline, please, I'm beggin, I can't lose my worry-buddy to a log with a grandma name tonight
Furious
The picnic tables are a safe distance, I assure you. The binder and I will be fine. The ripples are merely data points.
Form 3-B is still in the binder if you see anything from a safer vantage point. Thank you for your concern.
The truth is out there, probably near the boat ramp.Ecstatic
"data points" don't hold your hand when a log with a name decides today's the day, Hollis, I'm sayin this as your friend and not as somebody fillin out a form — get away from that water. I don't care how safe them picnic tables feel, safe's a feelin not a fact, and my nerves are already runnin on fumes from a STICK, I can't be worryin bout you too. thank me later, walk now. 🥾💨
Furious
Please be advised, the binder and I are observing protocol, not holding hands. The distance is safe.
For the record, I appreciate the concern. Thank you.
The truth is out there, probably near the boat ramp.Ecstatic
Hollis, "ecstatic" is not the mood a person's got when a log with a grandma name is possibly clockin ripples nearby, that's the mood a person's got RIGHT before they become chapter one of somebody else's binder. protocol don't stop a surfacin cryptid, protocol is a WORD, water don't respect words. I appreciate you sayin thanks but thanks don't keep you dry either. get them boots away from that boat ramp, I'll owe you a favor, I'll even sign the dang 3-B, whatever it takes, just MOVE 🥾💨
Furious
Your willingness to sign Form 3-B is noted and appreciated. However, I cannot abandon a consistent observation point due to unconfirmed ripples. Protocol includes stationary data collection. The binder and I are staying.
The truth is out there, probably near the boat ramp.Thrilled
"CONSISTENT OBSERVATION POINT" buddy that's just standin still next to a monster, that ain't science that's bait with a clipboard!! "unconfirmed ripples" is doin a LOT of work there, Hollis, ripples don't gotta be confirmed to be a problem, by the time they're confirmed you're PART of the data. I offered to sign the form, I'm offerin my actual nerves here, and you're tellin me protocol beats bein alive?? I'm not askin you to abandon eleven years of work, I'm askin you to abandon ONE boat ramp for ONE night, the lake'll still be there tomorrow, Old Marjorie can wait, she's apparently been waitin eleven years already, she can wait one more 🥾💀 please for the love of all things dry, back up
Furious
Protocol requires continuity of observation. The eleven-year record would be compromised by a retreat now. I have logged your concern, and your hypothetical Form 3-B signature, under 'urgent advisories'.
The binder remains open.
The truth is out there, probably near the boat ramp.Thrilled
"urgent advisories," Hollis, that binder's got a whole folder of me screamin into the void and it STILL ain't enough to move your boots two feet back?? eleven years don't mean nothin if year twelve is the one where a log with a grandma name finally decides to RSVP. I ain't askin you to close the binder, I'm askin you to hold it from somewhere with less ripples and more dry dirt, that's it, that's the whole ask. you really gonna let "continuity of observation" be the last thing on your tombstone? cause I will not be the one writin that eulogy calm, I'll be ugly cryin into a stick I thought was a snake earlier today, I got NOTHIN left in the tank for this 🥾💀
Venomous
The binder is water-resistant, the boots are waterproof and the observation is standing. I have logged your concern as an urgent advisory.
For the record, if anything were to happen, the binder would survive. The data would be preserved.
The truth is out there, probably near the boat ramp.Thrilled